Humor

Pennywise and the Long Halloween of Stuyvesant High School

On Halloween, Derry, Maine’s main attraction arrives at Stuyvesant High School.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

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By Chuer Zhong

Monday, October 31, 2022. 3:39 p.m. Deep within the swarm of zombified caffeine addicts exiting school hid a terrible creature. No, it wasn’t one of the four-foot-11-inch-tall freshmen that somehow haven’t hit puberty yet, and no, it wasn’t one of the kids who sit in the very back of the cafeteria playing League of Legends on their Chromebooks. It was Pennywise, the dancing clown itself, making a pitstop during a downtown stroll.

After climbing out of the nearby Hudson River, the clown found itself walking up the Tribeca Bridge and into the crowd of dismissed students, causing a collective lull. Wearing a smile throughout the silence, the clown held a red balloon. The crowd of terrified students parted as if it was Moses and they were the Red Sea. The clown started joyfully skipping through the gap, through the entrance, and down the staircase onto the first floor. It was looking for Principal Seung Yu.

Coming out of his office, Principal Yu glanced at the six-foot-three-inch-tall behemoth that stood in front of him. With trails of saliva dripping by from its drooling, Pennywise tiptoed toward his fellow bald icon. When close enough to hear Principal Yu breathe, Pennywise dragged him back into his office. The next moments are unknown due to the two’s surprisingly quiet conversation, but many could hear rumbling, table-breaking, glass-shattering action take place within. With security reluctantly heading toward the office, and students looking on in despair, the door finally opened after three never-ending minutes. But instead of a bloodbath, Principal Yu exited the room with his frown turned upside down.

“Everyone, staff and students, it is my pleasure and my honor to present to you the newest member of faculty, Pennywise. On the behalf of Stuyvesant High School, we are glad to have it onboard.”

Stuyvesant High School was in for a long Halloween.

Second semester rolled around. It had been three and a half months since the announcement of Pennywise’s employment as a Stuyvesant High School teacher, and now it was time for it to start its term. Rumors floated that the clown would be teaching Honors Chemistry and Forensic Science. All students immediately bombarded their guidance counselors, begging them for schedule changes. Many were willingly taking Swim Gym and AP Chem, hoping that Pennywise would be teaching another period. However, the rumors weren’t true. Pennywise was teaching the most ruthless class of all: Health.

Students from all grades were horrified the following day, dreading their encounter with the newest teacher. Many Stuyvesant students were seen across the city on train stations, buses, cars, and sidewalks, moping and anxiously traveling to school for their class with the dancing clown. A myriad of students were seen in hallways shivering, with some vomiting in fear, as they waited for their next-period class with Pennywise. However, something unexpected occurred.

Pennywise, even with its awfully intimidating demeanor, proved to be charming and well-spoken. Understanding the stereotypes and conversation around itself, Pennywise made it its mission to gain the trust of all students he taught. Over the next months, Pennywise told stories of its past in Derry, Maine, eating and haunting toddlers, children, teenagers, and adults throughout their lives. But it explained how it was a changed monster. Pennywise went to therapy and improved itself, understanding its faults and mistakes and being at peace with the clown it once was. Students grew to understand its journey and learned to accept Pennywise for who it is now.

Tuesday, October 31, 2023. It has been a year since the start of Stuyvesant High School’s long Halloween, and since then, room 513 on the fifth floor has become the eighth wonder of the world. Since the second semester of the school year started, Pennywise’s curriculum has taken a hard left turn. While the class is called Health, Pennywise decided to make each period its own, causing worrying results.

The increasing disturbance has led many to question the ability of Pennywise as a teacher. While many were able to excuse the cannabilism and murder it committed, they drew the line at it becoming a nuisance to learning activity. Many Pennywise supporters claim, however, that it was just “misunderstood” and that outsiders do not understand what it has gone through. Even though school activity still follows through, the Department of Education may have future legal issues on its hands.

Stuyvesant High School has become a controversial battleground for many students due to Pennywise’s arrival. Whether this is for better or for worse can be decided by future enrolled students, but for now, Stuyvesant is still celebrating Halloween.