Freshmen Starting College Hunt Early

Most freshmen tend to have no idea about college, let alone the college admissions process. Even some Stuyvesant seniors do not fully grasp the idea of college. “Wait, we graduate to go to school again? I thought college was just four years of sleeping to recuperate from Stuy,” senior Alec Dai quipped.

Exceptions always exist at Stuyvesant (like that complex seven class program change that took 273 parent phone calls), and this year, freshmen have begun to beat the juniors at the college game. They’re taking “starting early” to a new level.

1) College tours this year have significantly changed. Due to the increased number of freshmen attendees, upperclassmen attendance has severely waned, except for expert freshmen hunters. “The last college trip was packed with so many freshmen that I actually had to talk to them,” junior Jason Kao remarked. “At some college, a bunch of fratters called Stuyvesant the ‘school of the dwarves.’”

2) Have you wondered why your college counselor meetings are so late this year? It’s because freshmen have been barging into the college office and demanding a meeting with a college counselor. The demand has been so great that the college office now has a maitre d’, along with buzzers. These inquisitive freshmen have also arranged for alumni interviews and signed up for college e-mailing lists. Colleges are no longer comparing students to other students of the same age, deciding to accommodate freshmen in their admissions processes.

3) For the first time, teachers have began to write college recommendations for freshmen, diminishing the opportunities for juniors. “I’m only writing 15 junior recommendations because the freshman are just so much better at being juniors,” social studies teacher Victor Greez commented. “They’re actually awake in class.”

“I’d be willing to write for any freshman, even if I didn’t know who he or she was,” chemistry teacher Gabriel Ting expressed. “They are just so cute and perfect.” It’s not surprising that this year’s junior class slams the panic button when anything college-related is mentioned.

4) Many freshmen have started their own clubs: the “I Have Created This Club For College Interviews Club,” the “Northwestern Bay of Biscay Marine Biology Research Internship Prep Club,” and the “Insert Name Here Club” to name a few. These ambitious freshmen have overwhelmed the room booking system, causing general mayhem after school. To accommodate, the SU has opened up space in the elevator shafts, on the roof, and in the staircases.

5) Principal Eric Contreras has proposed a new change to the current grade levels. Freshmen who demonstrate college preparedness will be able to accelerate automatically to junior year and have access to coveted AP waivers. As a result, freshmen have begun to sell these AP waivers on the Stuyvesant Black Market, not that it exists...