What Type of Stuy Student Are You?

Type A: The Extra One

“Isn’t our final project due today?”

“Can you have your parents ALSO call? I’m trying to avoid taking the Spanish final.”

Strengths: Getting kicked out of a classroom for arguing with the teacher for half of the period (and not understanding why they got kicked out).

Weaknesses: Believing they’re the Earth from previous geocentric models, waiting until the day before to ask for study guides

Likes: Arguing with teachers for .1 of a point back on an exam, saying there were train delays…every day, bragging about how many APs they have

Dislikes: Teachers who don’t curve, assistant principals who don’t let them switch teachers, when participation doesn’t count until the final grade

Description: You take the r out of pretty.

Type B: The Scholar

“We had homework?!”

“You think YOU didn’t sleep enough? I got exactly two minutes of sleep during passing today.”

Strengths: Complaining about how hard their course-load is, writing a 10-page paper the same period it’s due

Weaknesses: Showing up to school eight periods late, cutting a class to study for a different class

Likes: Suddenly gaining a photographic memory two hours before finals, comparing the amount of sleep they got with other students, black coffee

Dislikes: Teachers who lower the grades of students that sleep in class, when the deadline can’t be extended by two months, milk and sugar

Description: When walking down the hallways, stay alert! Someone may throw a handle at you so you can get a grip.

 

Type C: The Common Man

“Hey, can you tell me what was on the test?”

“I’ll do the math homework if you do the history homework.”

Strengths: Restating what their classmates said and passing it off as their original response, being able to suddenly go from a 65 to a 98

Weaknesses: Questions that ask “please explain how you got your answer,” choosing to drink more coffee instead of sleeping more

Likes: Extra credit assignments, teachers who drop the lowest grade, substitute teachers who give no work

Dislikes: Test prep books that are more than $10, self-studying for a class, when a teacher asks, “I don’t know, CAN you?”

Description: Throwing shade takes some creativity, but luckily for you, writing words “in your own voice” won’t take any.

 

Type D: The “I Should Have Transferred To My Zone School”

“What do you mean you can’t curve my 67 to a 98?”

“Who’s willing to do my final project? Will pay $$$$”

Strengths: Being a humor editor, saying they have depression instead of admitting they’re lazy

Weaknesses: Lack of human decency, spamming Facebook

Likes: When neither homework nor participation majorly factor into a grade, boasting about their would-have-been impressive 105 average at a different school

Dislikes: Being one point away from passing an exam, when school cuts into their League time, when their friends won’t pull through with the final project

Description: We get it, you’re a games “journalist” and you’re livid about bugs in the latest update of League. On the bright side, YouTube pays $5 per thousand views!

 

Type F: The Cutter

“If I stop showing up now, I’ll still pass.”

“DId YoU dO tHe HoMEwoRk?”

Strengths: Being a meme, knowing all the shady places near Stuy

Weaknesses: Showing up to school, turning in attendance forms

Likes: Pineapple pizza, passing a class without any effort, saying “One like and I’ll show up to school”

Dislikes: Getting tagged by friends on attendance-related posts, teachers that give grades based on attendance

Description: You’re in school so rarely that your teachers throw a party every time you show up. Congrats to you for setting a new record for minimum amount of classes you need to show up to in order to pass.

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