Type A: The Extra One
“Isn’t our final project due today?”
“Can you have your parents ALSO call? I’m trying to avoid taking the Spanish final.”
Strengths: Getting kicked out of a classroom for arguing with the teacher for half of the period (and not understanding why they got kicked out).
Weaknesses: Believing they’re the Earth from previous geocentric models, waiting until the day before to ask for study guides
Likes: Arguing with teachers for .1 of a point back on an exam, saying there were train delays…every day, bragging about how many APs they have
Dislikes: Teachers who don’t curve, assistant principals who don’t let them switch teachers, when participation doesn’t count until the final grade
Description: You take the r out of pretty.
Type B: The Scholar
“We had homework?!”
“You think YOU didn’t sleep enough? I got exactly two minutes of sleep during passing today.”
Strengths: Complaining about how hard their course-load is, writing a 10-page paper the same period it’s due
Weaknesses: Showing up to school eight periods late, cutting a class to study for a different class
Likes: Suddenly gaining a photographic memory two hours before finals, comparing the amount of sleep they got with other students, black coffee
Dislikes: Teachers who lower the grades of students that sleep in class, when the deadline can’t be extended by two months, milk and sugar
Description: When walking down the hallways, stay alert! Someone may throw a handle at you so you can get a grip.
Type C: The Common Man
“Hey, can you tell me what was on the test?”
“I’ll do the math homework if you do the history homework.”
Strengths: Restating what their classmates said and passing it off as their original response, being able to suddenly go from a 65 to a 98
Weaknesses: Questions that ask “please explain how you got your answer,” choosing to drink more coffee instead of sleeping more
Likes: Extra credit assignments, teachers who drop the lowest grade, substitute teachers who give no work
Dislikes: Test prep books that are more than $10, self-studying for a class, when a teacher asks, “I don’t know, CAN you?”
Description: Throwing shade takes some creativity, but luckily for you, writing words “in your own voice” won’t take any.
Type D: The “I Should Have Transferred To My Zone School”
“What do you mean you can’t curve my 67 to a 98?”
“Who’s willing to do my final project? Will pay $$$$”
Strengths: Being a humor editor, saying they have depression instead of admitting they’re lazy
Weaknesses: Lack of human decency, spamming Facebook
Likes: When neither homework nor participation majorly factor into a grade, boasting about their would-have-been impressive 105 average at a different school
Dislikes: Being one point away from passing an exam, when school cuts into their League time, when their friends won’t pull through with the final project
Description: We get it, you’re a games “journalist” and you’re livid about bugs in the latest update of League. On the bright side, YouTube pays $5 per thousand views!
Type F: The Cutter
“If I stop showing up now, I’ll still pass.”
“DId YoU dO tHe HoMEwoRk?”
Strengths: Being a meme, knowing all the shady places near Stuy
Weaknesses: Showing up to school, turning in attendance forms
Likes: Pineapple pizza, passing a class without any effort, saying “One like and I’ll show up to school”
Dislikes: Getting tagged by friends on attendance-related posts, teachers that give grades based on attendance
Description: You’re in school so rarely that your teachers throw a party every time you show up. Congrats to you for setting a new record for minimum amount of classes you need to show up to in order to pass.