United Airlines Drags Passenger Onboard Underbooked Flight

Art by Katherine Lwin
Art by Katherine Lwin

United Airline’s recent incident involving Dr. David Dao’s violent removal from Flight 3411 inspired an uproar in the media and across many social platforms, creating a nightmarish boycott of the airline.

This boycott has caused a severe dip in United’s bookings. Recent accounts report that their planes have been so light that they have experienced difficulties in landing: there have been 57 “mayday” incidents with the moon. Baggage carousels have been revolving with only one or two bags on them—of those bags, most belonged to pilots and flight attendants.

As a result, United has decided that they will fill up their empty seats, no matter what the cost. Oad Divad was patiently awaiting the arrival of his son at Newark Liberty International Airport when events suddenly took a turn for the worse. Divad had just purchased a $45 week-old hotdog and $36 can of Pepsi from the airport’s food court.

Little did Divad know that a United flight was set to depart to Mar-A-Lago in half an hour and that it was severely underbooked. To fill up the flight, United offered passengers a free one-night stay at Trump Hotel in Las Vegas, including a complimentary Trump-tailored suit, a well-done Trump steak, a Trump footlong, a vial of Trump Water, a scholarship to Trump University, and let’s not forget the iconic one-year Trump golf course membership.

Despite these incentives, United’s offer did little. In desperation, United personnel slowly began to creep up on Divad. He was subsequently tackled onto the ground and tied onto a baggage cart.

Many onlookers took the opportunity to record the extravaganza. Facebook live streams were blowing up with angery reaccs. Many commenters encouraged the United agents, and one comment read: “You should push [Divad] really hard on the moving walkway and just let go!”

Though Divad remained tied up, flight attendants gave him warm welcomes, and the captain himself came out to kindly thank Divad for flying United. Despite the flight being absolutely empty, Divad was dragged into the very last row of the economy section. “It was hilarious watching the poor guy being pushed into his chair as he screeched and flailed in response. I almost broke my flimsy seat laughing,” the only other passenger onboard said.

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