SING! Hate Mail

Hate Mail SING
Art by Catherine Joh

Dear SING! Directors (Dictators),

Your ruthless organization has utterly ruined my life—seriously. I can’t take the endless passive aggressive messages about missing practice any longer. First, you tell me that I’m missing practice too much and that I might as well not be a part of SING!. The next thing you know, another director is messaging me, telling me that I’m an indispensable member of SING!.

I can’t even go to my locker because I get “point deductions” for being on someone else’s floor. Well guess what? I’ve gotten real point deductions on my average! My 99.3 has gone down to a mere 99.1! How am I supposed to get into college now? All thanks to SING!, I might be a struggling props maker for the rest of my life.

Sincerely,

S.Collar

 

Dear corrupt SING! Slate,

I can’t believe that you all have the audacity to reject me! I spent a full 10 minutes on my application and an entire 15-minute train ride humming the audition part. I put down really terrific improvement ideas, including having no rehearsals—after all, why do we need to practice when we’re all so talented?

Even if you didn’t like my application, I should have been automatically accepted anyways. Why would you even read your best friend’s application and make them audition? SING! is supposed to be showing the glory of nepotism—not of talent! Don’t you all know that?

From,

S.Alty

 

Dear Coordinator (I can’t remember your name),

Sorry, but I can’t make it to rehearsal today, or ever. I know that I put that I had no time commitments on my application, but it turns out that I have a really important nap every single day from 4 p.m. to 6 a.m. I really can’t miss it, and unfortunately I can’t reschedule it.

I just needed to put something on my otherwise blank college application. Thanks for accepting me though—it really means a lot to me! I might be able to show up to the crew dinner!

See you not very soon,

F. Lake

 

Dear Art Crew,

We’re really sorry about running over your canvas. Is there a “control Z” with paint or any way that you can do damage control on the 53 footprints all over the backdrop?

On the other hand, it was totally worth seeing the expression of shock on your faces—half of you were crying, and the rest of you were ready to assault Mr. Choubaralian and Dr. Markova with paint brushes and paint cans. Be sure to check us out tomorrow, when we ravage Soph-Frosh SING!’s backdrop!

Much love,

Boys’ Track

 

Dear SING! Coordinators,

What’s SING? I haven’t heard about this strange event until I got an e-mail selling tickets for it. Is this a new concert? Or is it a vocal competition?

I heard Soph-Frosh won this SING! thing with their 1920’s theme. Why would there be a singing Sour Patch in the 1920’s?

Sincerely,

Half of Stuy

 

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