Local Family’s Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner Record-Breakingly Dry; Red Cross Commences Emergency

Thanksgiving Turkey Riding
Art by Alex Lin

The entire Stowell family gathered in Springfield, Illinois, on November 24, to have a run-of-the-mill Thanksgiving dinner. When they sat down at the table, it was shaping up to be the best Thanksgiving they had ever had. The mashed potatoes were salted to taste, and the cranberry sauce was a sufficient combination of sticky and gooey.

But when they made the first incision into the centerpiece of the meal, the famed Thanksgiving turkey, their lives would change. Upon their first bites, the whole family discovered something that ruined their holiday irreversibly—the turkey was catastrophically dry.

“I was just so shocked,” Jennifer Stowell, the mother and resident cook in the household, said. “I had never tasted anything like that in my life—not even when I visited that PF Chang’s over in Kansas. It was just so devastating to us. No amount of gravy could’ve fixed it.”

The children, Ashley and Jonathan, sat listlessly on the living room floor, traumatized by the utter dryness of the dish they had just consumed. Jennifer immediately called the local Red Cross Emergency Service Unit. Firetrucks and other emergency vehicles, stockpiled with various condiments and cooking oils, arrived on the scene minutes later.

“In all my years of working with the service, I’ve never seen a turkey quite as disastrously dessicated as this one,” Fire Chief David McCormick said. “From the bottom of my heart, I am so deeply sorry for the Stowell family and all they’ve had to go through.”

Ashley and Jonathan Stowell were given shock blankets and hot drinks to soothe their shot nerves and dry mouths. They shivered in the back of a Red Cross emergency vehicle as their parents attempted to offer them some sort of comfort.

The Red Cross is still looking for volunteers and donations to aid the Stowell family. If you are interested in contributing to a noble cause this holiday season, visit the Red Cross website at www.redcross.org.

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