Humor articles

Teacher Christmas Gift
Art by Minseo Kim

Student to Give Teachers Christmas Gifts, Wonders If It’s Too Obvious to Include a “Raise My Grade”

As the holiday season approaches, students and teachers alike are preparing to spread the joy of Christmas trees, ugly sweaters, a hundred hours’ worth of projects, and swimming in the melted snow from the train station to school. Some students are celebrating the festivities by buying gifts for their teachers. One such student, junior David

Letter From a Stuyvesant Jail

Stuyvesant, it is not a good morning. This is your student announcer, Michael Espinosa, and if you’re reading this, please send help. It’s been two months since I’ve been locked up, so I haven’t had any wi-fi access. I can only imagine how angry my friends are after I broke our Snapchat streaks. I just

Thanksgiving Turkey Riding
Art by Alex Lin

Local Family’s Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner Record-Breakingly Dry; Red Cross Commences Emergency

The entire Stowell family gathered in Springfield, Illinois, on November 24, to have a run-of-the-mill Thanksgiving dinner. When they sat down at the table, it was shaping up to be the best Thanksgiving they had ever had. The mashed potatoes were salted to taste, and the cranberry sauce was a sufficient combination of sticky and

Trump Resigns: Supporters Claim “Election Rigged”

In a stunning course of events, president-elect Donald Trump has formally renounced his victory on Election Day, as he calls for the Electoral College to be disbanded. Trump made his announcement from Trump Tower, with tickets sold at a starting price of $25,000. “I like to keep my options open,” Trump declared. “Being president for

A Sampling of Trump’s Favorite Bible Quotes

“Nothing beats the Bible,” Trump explained with a chuckle at a rally months ago. Upon a closer analysis, however, it has been made readily apparent that Trump’s personal Bible contains more than a few annotations. The following are excerpts from the Donald Trump Version of the Bible (DTV) that has been guiding our president-elect since

Confessions of a Humor Writer

Since the dawn of time, Humor writers have faced the immense difficulty of finding inspiration for articles. “We’ve tried everything from creativity pills to ancient article dances,” said junior and Humor writer Kenny Lin. Writer’s block was creating a wall more formidable than that of Donald Trump’s imagination. In the midst of this drought, the

Stuy Student’s Prefrontal Cortex Has Had Enough

As junior Brian Gao rushed into the library to start writing an essay that was due the previous period, his prefrontal cortex finally succumbed to the immense pressure that it had tried to juggle for 17 years. Saying it was completely exhausted and overwhelmed by its strenuous workload, Gao’s prefrontal cortex admitted that if the

American Immigrants are Dissatisfied with New Country

“Canadoom,” coined by native Canadians, happens every four years from early November to the following January and brings hundreds of thousands of exasperated Americans, many without a passport or visa, to major English-speaking cities. The American immigrants have mixed feelings about Canadoom. Some embrace Canadian culture, believing that the United States of America is far